LOOKING TO WIN

Well, you know, I’m really down;

I feel like I lost what I never found.

What I saw just wasn’t there

and where I’m going is going nowhere.

Had the world right in my pocket

opened my heart but had to lock it.

This heartless town keeps me on the ground

I’m L.A. bound on a merry-go-round.

Been alone with myself too long

cause I’ve been thinking what I never had has gone.

What went wrong?

Can’t see the road for all the fences.

This kinda life is sort of senseless.

I keep trying but it’s getting confusing

when you’re looking to win but always losing.

Got the blues and I’m feeling bad cause

I’ve been thinking ’bout the hard luck that I’ve had

and it’s so sad.

Got a dream that I’m going to make it.

Can’t get the breaks and it’s hard to take it.

This kind of news keeps me crying the blues

cause I’m looking to win but always lose.

Looking to win and getting used.

Looking to win but always losing.

 My ego woke me up at five o’clock in the morning, fearful that everything I have done–my music, my writing–will perish.

When the person that was me dies,

everything will die with it.

That is probable.

But the questions that I sought the answers to have been answered.

I am not within time.

I am not captive within the confines of space.

I am space.

The limitations of the mind’s clock

will no longer be.

Yes, how like sleep my life was lived.

But I awakened before death.

No longer trapped.

I lived out my individual script

and played my part until I broke free from the conditioning.

I do know what and who I am.

That was the purpose for me being here.

That is the purpose for all of us being here.

All forms dissolve.

They are expressions of Consciousness.

I am Consciousness.

That is the “I”

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POEMS

all copyrights by Ronaye Hudyma. all rights reserved

* scroll down for newest poems

 

O MOON

Hello, moon.

Yes, he’s gone–light-years away by now.

You were snuffed out,

threatened with extinction,

extinguished like a candle flame

and disappeared under the black robe of unbearable night.

Wasn’t it me who said loving him was never having loved before?

Wasn’t it he who professed it was impossible to love me more?

There are no stars to get my bearings.

I am lost.

The minutes turn into hours

and every hour becomes another day that he stays away.

My arms cannot grasp the vacuum.

O moon, Help me!

Light the way that I may see.

CHANGING PARTNERS

We kept on changing partners

while the band played on.

With the music moving through me

I found you in my arms. 

There was only ever this dance.

The last dance was our first.

I’d rather have this moment now 

then many half their worth.

No promise of a future that never will arrive 

Nor looking back at yesterday.
No past therein resides. 

I  need not know about you, 

from where or whence you came.

All that is, is all I need,

than changing partners once again.

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EXPRESS TRAIN

Ye who come here;

As you peruse these pages,

view them as riding an Express Train through Time–

the same train we are all on.

When the train stops

and the Conductor turns around to tell you:

“This is where you get off”,

it doesn’t matter if you are riding first class or coach.

When your journey ends….

will you know who you truly are?

 

LINGER NOT

I am starved for silence

besieged by the din of insatiable industry; 

its percolating miasma of exhaust  

belching in the air.  

 

Bound to form, barred from spirit

I move through a zone of distorted shapes and structures,

consumed by rabid activity

numbed in a heady drowse.

 

 Walk on! Walk past  the gray shadowy figures

silhouetted against the concrete and granite walls,

 stolidly shuffling by,

lost–trespassers dragged through time,

 

Alight and linger not

lest delusion overtake you,

and blind you to the truth.